Happiness and Duty

An obligation means a course of action to which a person is morally or legally bound

What actually holds families together

So… umm. I want to talk about happiness.

Or rather, what we’ve been told happiness is supposed to be.

We’re sold this idea that happiness means freedom. Freedom from rules. Freedom from obligation. Freedom from responsibility. Do what feels right. Follow your heart. Put yourself first. And somehow, everything else will just work itself out.

But when you actually look around, that doesn’t seem to be what’s happening.

Families don’t survive on feelings. They survive on structure. On contribution. On people doing what needs to be done, even when they don’t feel like it. In that sense, families operate a lot like organisations. When everyone understands their role, when expectations are clear, when responsibility is shared, things tend to function. When they don’t, things fall apart.

In families that stay strong across generations, children aren’t raised to centre themselves. They’re raised to participate. To help. To contribute. They learn early that they are part of something bigger than their emotions. Independence isn’t rushed. It’s earned. And leaving home doesn’t mean cutting ties — it means stepping forward, knowing there’s a structure behind you.

Where that structure is missing, you often see the opposite. Everyone doing their own thing. Little sharing. Little accountability. A lot of talk about freedom and self-expression, but not much stability. And over time, that takes a toll — on families, on communities, on individuals.

We talk about love as if it’s a feeling. A warm sensation. A tingle. But that’s not what actually holds people together long term.

Love is duty.

It’s getting up and doing what needs to be done. It’s providing, protecting, guiding, correcting. It’s showing up consistently, not just when it feels good. You take care of yourself, your children, your family — not because it feels nice, but because it’s your responsibility.

And here’s the uncomfortable bit.

Emotional expression on its own doesn’t create stability. It doesn’t guarantee confidence, resilience, or success. Structure does. Expectations do. Boundaries do.

When you look at who tends to rise to the top of society — the people in leadership, in high-responsibility roles — a pattern shows up. Many of them were raised in environments with rules. With discipline. With parents who guided their decisions, including education and career paths. Not because they were unloved, but because they were prepared.

This isn’t about money. It’s about values.

Chaos doesn’t scale. Discipline does.

Teaching children that love is something they should constantly feel sets them up for disappointment. Teaching them that love is something you do — through responsibility, effort, and obligation — sets them up for life.

See, the point is…

Happiness isn’t the absence of duty.

It’s what tends to follow when you’re competent, useful, and connected to something bigger than yourself.

Feelings come and go.

Duty builds lives.

And that’s the part we’ve quietly stopped teaching.